Letters Between Gentlemen by Professor Elemental and Nimue Brown

In a break from tradition what follows is not a standard review but rather an open letter to Professor Elemental on the occasion of the publication of his Letters Between Gentlemen. But first a little background…

Professor Elemental: Misunderstood and benevolent genius, evil killer; or slightly deluded idiot? Private investigator Algernon Spoon really isn’t sure, but as the bodies mount up, it looks like someone is bent on slaughter: But who? And Why? And is there going to be Battenburg?

Dear Professor

Please excuse this intrusion but I felt compelled to voice my congratulations on the recent publication of your wonderful book Letters Between Gentlemen. I have long since been an enthusiastic fan of your fighting trousers and have endeavoured to spread the word of your musical stylings whenever possible. I am sure you have no difficulty imagining my unrestrained glee when I discovered you had written a book. The prospect of gaining invaluable insight into your scientific working methods and unique mind were a dream come true. Any man who is able to successfully bridge the gap between steampunk rapper, cutting edge inventor and author I consider to be well worthy of my time.

Reading through the various correspondences between yourself and Algernon Spoon I was quickly struck by the fact that you know some truly unusual characters. Mr Spoon certainly sounds like a mysterious sort, I suspect there is more to that young man than meets the eye. I was surprised to discover that he suspects you of some truly grave misdeeds. A large proportion of the remaining missives seem to dwell on this particular topic in great detail. Meanwhile Horatio Plunkett sounds like a delightful fellow and I hope I will have the opportunity to meet the man face to face at some future engagement, perhaps the next time I am in the city? The less said about Detective Sergeant Augustus Mentionables of the Yard however, the better.

As an aside, and if you would care to indulge me, I do have a number of burning questions that you may be able to answer

1. Could you possibly direct me toward the agency who provides you with your monkey butler Geoffrey? Currently I only have two cats and their skills as manservants are sadly lacking.
2. I note your book mentions your recent creation of “badgermingoes”. Are these marvellous creatures available for purchase? The festive season is close upon us and I believe they would serve as perfect presents for my nearest and dearest.

I regret to say I have one minor concern regarding your first foray into publishing. Using the search function on my Babbage engine I have been to ascertain that your co-author, Nimue Brown, and illustrator, Thomas Brown, are undoubtedly 100% real people. I become hugely concerned by the claim on page 239 of the book, the suggestion that you are in fact a fictional creation seems utterly preposterous. I can only assume this is some sort of small error on the part of your otherwise excellent publisher? I’m sure you have spotted this oversight and no doubt are already in the process of setting them right.

Thanks for your time and I look forward to the next instalment of your memoirs with interest. Your life reads like a non-stop adventure, I must admit a certain amount of jealousy on my part! I must sign off now for I fear the unpleasantness with the local Dowager Countess is about to come to ahead. There is a good chance I shall have to make myself scarce.

Yours in all sincerity and seriousness

Pablo Cheesecake (Mr)

Amateur Beard Wearer* and Proprietor of The Eloquent Page

For those who are interested in learning more about this remarkable visionary I can confirm that Letters Between Gentlemen is published by Snowbooks and is available now. Strangely you won’t find it stocked under autobiographies but under fiction? I can heartily recommend this splendid tome to all those readers keen on the deliciously silly. Personally I’m ALL about the deliciously silly.

* I hope to move to the professional divisions in the near future. Training continues apace, fingers crossed.