You may have heard that the world was supposed to end last weekend. Based on the fact that you are reading this post, I think we can all safely assume that it didn’t. It struck me that predictions can be, at best, awfully fickle things. If only there was a book that didn’t mess about, something that took all the guess work out of things and just made The Apocalypse simple. According to the Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter – the world’s only totally reliable guide to the future – the world will end on a Saturday . Next Saturday, in fact. Just after tea… Good Omens was originally published way back in the halcyon days of nineteen ninety. At the time, I was a thoroughly impressionable sixteen year old and I think, in hindsight, that I can now squarely point the finger of blame for my obsession with the end of the world on this novel. The premise is simple, the Antichrist is born on Earth and following a baby switch that quickly devolves into farce, he ends up with a family in a sleepy little village in England rather than as the son of a US…

Northern Europe, 976 AD. Bjolf and the viking crew of the ship Hrafn flee up an unknown river after a bitter battle, only to find themselves in a bleak land of pestilence. The dead don’t lie down, but become draugr – the undead – returning to feed on the flesh of their kin. Terrible stories are told of a dark castle in a hidden fjord, and of black ships that come raiding with invincible draugr berserkers. And no sooner has Bjolf resolved to leave, than the black ships appear. Now stranded, his men cursed by the contagion of walking death, Bjolf has once choice: fight his way through a forest teeming with zombies, invade the castle and find the secret of the horrific condition – or submit to an eternity of shambling, soulless undeath! Mrs Cheesecake can confirm that I have a slight obsession with the idea of zombies, the concept freaks me out, yet I find myself regularly drawn to reading about them. Over the last couple of years, I have read a fair number of zombie related novels but somehow, and I’m not quite sure how, I managed to totally miss the Tomes of the Dead series by Abaddon…

Ulysses Quicksilver, agent of the crown, jumps into a time vortex pursuing Daniel Dashwood, a madman bent on sharing modern technology with Hitler’s forces and changing history to suit his evil ends. Rewind several decades, to the time of the Second Great War, to Darmstadt. The Nazis are battling the steampunk empire of Magna Britannia, cooking up necrotic super solider in the gothic towers of Castle Frankenstein. In the forests outside the castle, other forces are gathering. Ulysses’ father is there, proving that dashing good looks and a talent for swashbuckling adventures run in the family, and wondering why his British masters have partnered him with the weakling scientist Dr. Jekyll. The ladies of the Monstrous Regiment as also there to help, but there may be other gothic monsters in the hills… Those of you that have been following The Eloquent Page for a while are no doubt already aware that there is much love in this corner of the Internet for the Pax Britannia novels written by Jonathan Green. Each new installment is highly anticipated and has always delivered the very best in steampunk flavoured adventure. I was keen to pick up from the cliffhanger that occurred at the end…

Human medicine is easy. On her first day at Grace General Hospital, new intern Aline Harman risks vampire infection, demonic possession, and having her heart torn out of her chest… and this from her colleagues. Juggling transhuman politics only becomes more difficult when a patient’s life is at stake. With a zombie to resuscitate and a mermaid in critical care, Aline has her hands full. At least the doctors are good-looking. I have to be honest and admit a certain amount of uncertainty when I initially approached this ebook. This is not the sort of thing I would normally choose to read, and I was concerned that this would not be to my taste. As ever though, I am keen to try and broaden my horizons when it comes to reading, so decided to give it a chance. On reflection I’m glad that I did, as I was pleasantly surprised. Our heroine Aline is immediately thrown in at the deep end and the author certainly seems to have captured, what I imagine to be, the frenetic chaos of an emergency room. Reading the opening chapters, and the descriptions of when she first arrives at Grace General, it was easy to picture…

By way of some sort of explanation – In an effort to expand the my reading horizons I’ve decided that it was high time read something that was not a novel. Quirk Books very kindly provided what I think is some sort of self help/how to guide? The results, I think, speak for themselves…. Pirates, by nature, aren’t terribly literate. As a consequence, no book can hope to fully prepare the pampered, modern-day layabout for the lusty life of a pirate. This book,however, will put you on the right path – the path to adeventure, treasure, glory, mystery, and, every so often, the bottom of a barrel of rum. Avast me hearties, tis I – Captain Pablo Cheesecake on the good ship The Eloquent Page. Being as I am the very definition of a modern-day layabout I knew that this book would assist in answering all my pirate related questions. At may surprise all of ye unworthy swabs but since I was knee-high to a Jolly Roger I have always been a fan of all things piratical. I still remember fondly the first time I marveled at Burt Lancaster swashing his buckle in The Crimson Pirate. Since that day, I have…

People are predictable. That’s what makes them easy to kill. Detective Chief Inspector Prosper Snow is in charge of an investigation into a serial killer called The Oracle who turns his victims into macabre works of art. But Prosper harbours a dark secret of his own. He and his old school friends were members of a group called The Kult, who made a pact to dish out their own form of vengeance on bullies. Now a member of the group puts their friendship to the test when he makes a far darker request: that they murder someone that raped his wife. To get away with murder, the friends decide to blame it on The Oracle, but events take a chilling turn when the instigator turns up dead, his body fashioned into a disturbing work of art. Now, one by one, the members of The Kult are being hunted down. Just when Prosper thinks things can’t get any worse, his wife is kidnapped and he knows that if he goes to his colleagues for help, he risks his dark deeds being unearthed. If he doesn’t, he risks losing all that he holds dear. I’m a great believer that the best, most…

Peter has been married to Patricia for nearly thirty years. He’s a practical man, the owner of a thriving factory and the father of two fine lads. He also has a secret mistress. One day, his wife takes him along to an outdoor arts exhibition involving some of her paintings, staged in a dark, deep wood. But his are not the only secrets in this marriage, and as Peter strays off the only path through the woods, he soon realises that Patricia has more than a few of her own… Abolisher of Roses by Gary Fry is the second release from Spectral Press. This short story takes place over the course of a single, grey winter afternoon. At first glance Peter and Patricia would appear to have everything you could ask for. He is a self made man, wealthy and powerful. She is a kept woman and has the luxury to spend her time doing exactly what she wants. Shortly after arriving at the exhibition an argument ensues, and Peter storms off rather than admit he may be in some way responsible. He finds himself alone in the forest and forced to confront three increasingly challenging and gruesome pieces of…

It was the last thing he wanted, but Joe Ledger is back… Saturday 09:11 Hours: a blast rocks a London Hospital. Thousands are dead or injured… 10:09 Hours: Joe Ledger arrives on the scene to investigate. I knew going into this review that I was in for a compelling read. The last Joe Ledger novel, The Dragon Factory, ended with an event that was guaranteed to have repercussions in the series going forward and I was curious where the story would go. The members of the Department of Military Sciences (DMS) have suffered a loss and as this third novel begins Joe is on leave in the UK and facing an uncertain future.  When an explosion destroys a London hospital Joe is drawn back into the murky world of counter terrorism and global conspiracies. A new group, called The Seven Kings, are on the rise and it is up to the DMS to try and stop them. Using the ten plagues of Egypt as their template The Kings are trying to generate as much chaos throughout the world as is possible. They are wealthy and powerful group, having near limitless resources. The DMS are finally up against a foe that can match…

Today’s post is from guest reviewer @SamaelTB. Just like to take the opportunity to thank him for letting me publish his review. Okay, let’s get one thing clear right now. Pattern Recognition is damned good book. The prose is stunning and the protagonist is at once hardcore and sympathetic. Prior to this I’ve only read one Gibson and while Neuromancer is a bit dated now it’s still an astonishing read. I’m pleased to say Pattern Recognition is at least its equal. Cayce Pollard has the odd affliction of being allergic to branding. This aids her in her career as a cool-hunter and brand consultant. She is also part of a community that seeks to learn the origin and meaning of mysterious fragments of footage that have started showing up all over the internet. When her newest employer recruits her to discover the identity of the creator of the footage she’s hurled into an adventure that sees her facing off against industrial spies and mafia goons, all the while inching ever closer to the truth. The story is told in third person present from the perspective of one Cayce Pollard. She’s young, smart, but haunted by both her affliction and the…

Please note this review contains minor spoilers if you haven’t read book one in the trilogy, The Sword of Albion.  Also you are missing a real treat. Alone and on the run, Elizabethan England’s greatest spy must defeat a dark and bloody plot. Or die… The Scar Crow Men by Mark Chadbourn is the second novel in the Swords of Albion series. It sees the return of Will Swyfte, gentleman spy, and his ongoing battle with the dark forces that threaten Great Britain during the reign of Elizabeth the First. Two years have passed since the events in the first novel and Swyfte is facing troubles both at home and abroad. Different factions vie for Elizabeth’s favour and in the midst of all this political maneuvering one of Will closest friends is killed. While members of the royal household continue to plot and scheme the Unseelie Court, the Fay, have begun to tear down the magical defenses that protect all humans from their evil. They have unleashed the Scar Crow Men to help bring about a shift in power that will allow them control everything. There are a couple of things that I think elevates Mark Chadbourn’s writing beyond the…

They came from the North, and the land fell. Kell’s resistance is driving the fiends from the land. But now a far greater power has come into play. Please note this review contains some minor spoilers if you have not read the first two parts of The Clockwork Vampire Chronicles. I have thought about this long and hard and I have come to a shocking conclusion – I hate Andy Remic.  Why? Because he is just such a supremely talented sod. He has proven that he can turn his hand to science fiction, horror and fantasy. As an aside – I have a sneaking suspicion that he is attempting to become the king of all genre fiction. Every time I think he can’t possibly top his last literary effort he goes ahead and does just that. Recently I read and reviewed Serial Killers Incorporated, and was impressed with its dark brutality. A scant few weeks has passed and he has yet another novel ready to assault the senses of an unsuspecting public. The latest addition to his ever-growing canon of work, Vampire Warlords, is the third book in The Clockwork Vampire Chronicles. This novel picks up the story in the…

It’s Saturday. Going shopping? For a meal? To the movies? Everything nice and normal, right? By Sunday, civilization is in ruins. Adults have become murderously insane – literally. They’re infected with a crazed uncontrollable urge to kill the young. Including their own children. THIS IS THE WAY THE WORLD ENDS… Time again to raid my bookshelves and dig out another classic novel that I haven’t touched for many years. Blood Crazy by Simon Clark was originally published back in 1995 and as soon as I started reading it I knew it was something that was going to stay with me for a long time. Much like my fascination with zombies, I am both disturbed yet drawn to fiction that covers the end of the world. When we are first introduced to seventeen year old Nick Aten he is a bit of a slacker. He lives in a quiet suburb of Doncaster and having left school with no qualifications, he is really only interested in drinking beer, having a good time and getting into fights with his life-long nemesis, Tug Slater. With a flick of a mental switch, overnight everything changes. Every human over the age of 20 develops a psychopathic…

A dead hero opens his eyes. To his horror, he finds he has been raised to serve as the undead minion of a desperate necromancer called Mordius. Our hero’s body has been stolen from a battlefield contested by two kingdoms that have been at war for generations. No one knows why warfare is now the way of life, but what is apparent is that the dark forces vie for dominion over the entire realm. When it comes to fantasy my needs are simple – heroes and villains, kingdom versus kingdom, gods and monsters. I’m looking for groups of disparate characters thrown into a situation that they can’t control. Add in a quest to locate a magical macguffin that will solve all their problems and I’m sold and I’m pleased to say that this book covers all these bases. Necromancer’s Gambit by A J Dalton is the first book in the Flesh and Bone trilogy. In it the reader is introduced to the inhabitants of the warring kingdoms, Dur Memnos and Accritania.  The necromancer, Mordius, is searching for a mystical object that will help to end the war and bring about a much needed peace. Saltar, the hero raised from the dead, makes…